what a trend-venting

[Betsy Neuman]

ace started a trend, and i'm following. lol. cept mine's a crappy vent compared to ace's. and yah, excuss the french in advance.

so yah, it all started when i was old enough to think on my own pretty much. when i was about 12, i started pushing my parents away. Well, mainly my mother. my sister is older, and was the straight a, top ten percent, perfect, listening, god child. i'm not. i'm not as pretty, as smart, or as perfect. She always listened and did what she was told, not me. I'm more of the rebel, listening to hip hop and rap, going out and hanging out late at night, always out of the house, going to parties, everything. my parents hate it. it doesn't help that everybody in my family hates my mom pretty much, well, the side of the family that i like anyways. they don't like her because she's too...her. strict and rude, and pushy. I don't want to be like her, i'm actually like the complete opposite. We don't get along at all, and i just want to be old enough to go out on my own. my dad and i click really well, but he hates how i don't spend time out at the house, i'm always gone, and lately always at the barn. its calming, and a place to vent. horses don't tell secrets. so yah, i'm pushing away my parents, and i don't want to. but they don't like me much because i'm not like my sister. they always yell at me, and my mom's back hurts because she's having back problems, and she always takes her anger out on me. so when i am trying to spend time with her she's always pissed off, or yelling at me for nothing, or just sleeping, she likes to sleep all day. she just doesn't get me, and we but heads constantly. i actually just got done yelling with her. we had a fight. we have a fight at least once a day, if not, its odd. i just don't know, i want a mom, but we just don't get along, and she's always yelling at me, or my dad. lucky my sister got to move out, she's loving life out of the house, while i'm stuck in it. its like a prison when i'm in it. i'm always in my room on the comp, its my get away. if i'm not there, i'm at the barn, or out with friends partying or something. and yet, its not enough to get away. i'm just trying to escape the anger that my parents always unleash on me. i'm the unwanted child. and i hate it. i wish i could pull straight a's like my sister, or be a perfect daughter, but its just not me. i'm not one to be perfect, i'm my own and i do things my way. i'm independent, and so far its killing me. and getting me in trouble. i just want out of my prison of anger. their anger rubs off on me, so i'm pissed all the time, then i'm happy with my friends, and then i get home and i'm mad, and my mom starts yelling at my about being happy with my friends but being angry at home. and then we get in a fight and then i go lock myself in my room. that's a daily thing. i just want out.

[Betsy Neuman]

forgot to mention that my dad is a car enthusiast. he says that he can't afford a car for me, not even a used one, then he goes out and buys a brand new year model truck. that makes his car total about...5. mine is a beat up fourteen year old car that my great grandpa gave me because he lost his liscene. my mom has her own two cars. its sucks, my sister gets a brand new car when she's old enough, i swear my parents hate me.

[Kendra Beaumont]

I'm sorry. I dislike hearing stuff about this. I have a friend who's basically in the same situation except she went to rehab because she started cutting herself. Guh...why are people's life so complicated?

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[Betsy Neuman]

i've actually tried cutting. i can't stand blood very easily though. so i've gotten a new way. its giving yourself homemade tatoos. just take a blade, and do it in a design, over, until to get to the layer that is just before you start bleeding. sure, you go to deep sometimes, but it works. plus instead of lines on my wrists i just have random scars in designs in places. like i have a CM on my ankle, for my name and monster. its neat. i dunno, its that and horses that keep me alright. without them, i dunno what i'd do.

[Betsy Neuman]

i'm actually giving myself one at the moment. its a cross, right about the cm scar. a cross...ironic enough.

[Kendra Beaumont]

That's good, though. Yeah. Sorry to say, but I have cut myself before. Not as serious as what happened to my friend. I stopped, and then I started dating my current boyfriend. He's helped me a lot, actually.

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[Betsy Neuman]

yah, it is. i think everybody tries it at least once. if not more. getting a boyfriend i think would help me too. but nobody will, because i have a family member in the staff, and so its like, cna't date the teachers relative, kinda thing. it sucks. i've had a few people, but they all told me that was the only reason they ended things. it sucks. i'm so messed up inside, but on the outside i'm an innocent outgoing, fun to be around person. yall are the only people that actually know all of this, except for my best friend. she gets it too.

[Kendra Beaumont]

Ah. Why are you giving yourself a cross?

[Betsy Neuman]

i don't know. i've been baptized any everything, but i don't go to church anymore. i used to go to a church that had an amazing pastor, she was the best ever, and i loved, she really got through to me. but she got moved to another far away, and now we have this new guy, so i stopped going. but i feel that is christ had to suffer, why shouldn't we suffer too? i don't know. i really like working with the cross, in artwork and everything. i think being a christian is about having a relationship with god, not the rules and going to church. i know he's there, and he's guiding my life, and i can feel him in my life and all, and its like, he doesn't care if i go to church or read the bible, as long as i know that he's there for me every step of the way. he's like a friend, a concious, not like a strict teacher that foreces me to do stuff. i just really like working with the cross. so i figured a cross would be a neat thing to add. so far i have half a heart, the cm, a cloud with lightning, a horse head(that was hard), and now a cross. i don't do them all at once, the horse head took me quite a while. along with the cloud and lightning. the cross is almost done. it will scab up and then turn into a scar, permanent for me to see. i dunno.

[Kendra Beaumont]

Interesting. Doesn't it hurt? Just wondering.

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[Betsy Neuman]

lol. figured that was coming. yah, it does. a bit more then cutting, because you have to go over and over it. like i'm doing a tiny cross on my palm, right below my thumb. and it hurts more there because its tougher skin. but the ones on my ankle didn't hurt that bad, until i got to where it was right on the bone. but, like cutting, its for the pain. and i also like the designs and the scar it leaves behind, it looks cool. lol.

[Kendra Beaumont]

Ah. Betsy, I replied in some of your threads. Can I ask you to reply back? Yeah? Please? I'm bored. I need to roleplay.

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[Betsy Neuman]

I have threads up? hmmm..i shall go look. i didn't know that. lol.

[Betsy Neuman]

um...may i ask where they are? lol. i can't seem to find them.

[Kendra Beaumont]

Oops. Wrong person.

Do you want to rp, thought?

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